Feeling better tonight, I really wasn't myself last night.
Felt better after climbing 20 floors though~
After climbing 20 floors, I came back, took off my clothes and went to sleep.
But I couldn't sleep, my brain wouldn't stop thinking.
I kept wondering, am i not a good guy?
I honestly feel that I'm a caring guy, sweet, patient and kind.
My head isn't filled with sex, games, drugs, and stuff. But, it seems as if guys like that get more girls.
Last night, I figured out some things...
When I fell in love for the first time, I loved her with all my heart. And when my heart broke, it was shattered and a piece stuck to her.
The second time, I loved with all my heart, but it wasn't a complete heart, a small piece was missing. And the love oozed out of the hole in my heart, causing great pain.
Right now, my heart has a few holes in it, the second time it broke, more pieces went missing. And the love in it is oozing out again, causing pain whenever my mind is free to wander.
I'm just looking for someplace for my love to flow to, something to plug the holes so it would stop hurting.
I'm afraid that if I fall in love again, i wouldn't be able to love her with all my heart.I fear that each time I fail to find my Juliet, I will be less likely to find her, and my ability to love her will decrease.
This pain isn't just mental pain, it isn't only emotional hurt. It comes with physical pain that digs at my chest every night. Even now, I feel it clawing at my chest, craving love.
I hope somebody will read this, but I don't hope for pointless advice. I know what advice people usually give, I know what people usually say. I just hope somebody will know my feelings, and understand me better, just as I try to understand others better.
Oh well, Leon, out.
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